Allies

Someone or something on your side. Sounds fairly straight forward, but in the world of people with depression, it isn't. (I am going to make this as positive as possible, but I am kinda jaded on this subject, as well are most of you.) We look for people to help us and support us in a very hard time. We look for others not to judge and not to condemn us for what we have little control over.

The relationship I have with my father is not good, not social, not cordial, it is just shitty. He tries to control almost every aspect of my life even though he has no control over it. Nothing I say or do is correct. Example: He asked me an electrical question the other day, I work on electronics on airplanes so I might know something, but my answer was wrong!?! Why ask a question that you know the answer to? Anyway, that is a more social experience with him.

I realize that friends do want to help us, but they usually lack the understanding of the situation or condition. I am thankful that until recently, I did not have anyone to talk to about this because they lived it. I do not want anyone to suffer like I have. (But I would rather suffer than talk to my father about anything). As I found out, by loosing all of my friends at times, is that people can not accept what this is and do not know how to process it. I have even had one friend say that they did not believe in psychology and that I should stop feeling this way. Utter misery, that is the mood I was going for. I enjoy feeling like shit each and every day.

The best advice I have on friends and family, is be understanding that they haven't gone through this and can not fully understand what we are feeling. We each need to find someone that can say that they have to take a break. Caution, this is not always the case. Sometimes they pass that point in trying to help, and hurt themselves. The discussion boards are probably the best way for us to express ourselves and get support from others who understand. I know that this is a major issue in our lives, having someone to trust and help us when we fall.

And on a personal note, it is a great joy for me to help the people that I am, but I know my limitations. Do not help someone so much you are brought down too, then two not one needlessly suffer.