Be careful whom you talk to

This post definitely needs to be made for all of us, I wish I did not have such a poignant example: I was having a discussion with my father about Christmas, and the Fourth of July. I was trying to explain that these were very hard days for me, and that I was more depressed and that I would pull away from the family during those times. He looked at me with the "yea right" look. And then I got basically the "Your just using that as an excuse to be an ass."

I told my father at the beginning of this "discussion" that these are times that Brydan's death gets to me, and I pull away. (My son's "Birthday" is July 4th.) One day last year he wanted to make sure that I was going to be at the family's party on the 4th. I had to remind him of what happened that day two years ago. {I could never have this discussion with my mother, because she does not believe that she has \ had a grandchild.} The support from my mother was, "You did not have an affair with a married woman, we taught you better than that, so we know she (my ex) lied to you."

That logic train, in my mind never left the station. (I know how babies are made, I might not know how to spell.)

So, in the course of an apology, I got ridiculed and called an ass. This is from my father, not some random person who does not give a shit about me. Yes, this does hurt, it hurts a great deal, and the relationship I am trying to have with my father just took two steps back.

Almost all of the people on the depression site will not and would never do that. We are here to help each other. We are here to support others. The doctors and therapists, also will support you. They, along with me, might say things you don't want to hear, like leaving your comfort zone. Or, I might tell you to think of what you want to change in your life, and help you make a plan. Then to get up and take that first very hard "baby step". But, as some of you know, if you aren't ready to make that step, I won't tell you to.

Back to choosing who to talk to. Usually, if people realize that you are hurting they will listen. (I learned that some will only listen for so long though.) If you listen to people and take their advice, the less likely they will pull away. But, we all must remember that we are talking about the blackness that fills our souls and the rain cloud that follows us around. These things people find it hard to take. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. People who do not have this suffering don't understand it and can't realize why we can not smile and "snap out of it".

What each of us have is a medical condition that has to be treated. I know the treatments, all of them. After 22 years and numerous doctors, I have been poked, prodded, pilled, pumped, and finally given TMS. (Neurostar) I am thankful for each day that I can help someone, and that is my "baby step" each day.